Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. 249. 16. New year, new me. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 200+ Funny Life Quotes Dripping With Sarcasm And Wit - Scary Mommy 22. 236. I dont suffer from insanity. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Envelope. 172. 231. 136. Bill Murray 18. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. Leave me a if you agree! 17. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 3. Ensure that your actions match your words. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 56. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". 108. 139. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Billy Wilder. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. 189. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. 8. It gets toad away. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. What do you call a bear with no teeth? I see the funny side of life more and more. Sincerely, yourself., 2. 272. 33 Humorous Affirmations [The Best Ones] I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. Confidence makes me powerful. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Helen Giangregorio. I dont want to fix my spending habits. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. 52. Focus on the positives and be grateful. Swimming trunks. Find a quiet place without distractions. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. So, why not team them up? He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Ben Hogan. 121. 232. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. 104. 159. It doesnt work if it is not open. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. The 50 Funniest Inspirational Quotes - Curated Quotes 40. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. How do you count cows? 141. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. ". 178. Rodney Dangerfield. I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Short people with an umbrella. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. 85. 46. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Really? 189. 123. I dont worry about getting older. - Jeffrey Gitomer. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 183. Never ask a starfish for directions. 20. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 163. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. 20. Friends buy you food. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" 199. 159. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. God has never abandoned me. 150. Your life is your message to the world. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. 226. Keep your affirmations in the present. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? "Disconnect to connect.". I am tough and resilient. 4. I receive what I believe. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 217. Im like a postage stamp. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. I did it! 20 Funny Positive Affirmations for Self-Esteem You wanna know who Im in love with? Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 180+ Positive Affirmations For Kids To Boost Motivation And Confidence 122. - F. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. Breasts dont have eyes. 153. 244. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 88. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! 254. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Decomposing. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. happy. What is Mozart doing right now? 117. 161. 9. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Catherine Pulsifer. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. Funny Affirmations - Etsy Because seven ate nine. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Dave Barry. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes: Short Holiday Sayings - Parade Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Good morning! I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 169. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 74. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . 1. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. 96. 39 funny positive affirmations. 176. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Bill Murray, 257. 134. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. 143. I didnt want to interrupt her. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. 233. 114. Bill Murray Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. I am constantly growing and improving. Superwoman: single. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 94. 174. 270. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. 265. I create my life on a quantum level. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 2. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. 76. Happiness is a choice. I am enough. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Build a bridge. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. If only common sense were more common. 51. 50 Christian Affirmations to Quiet Anxiety & Renew Your Mind - byDeze Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. Why did the school kids eat their homework? I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. 229. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 237. 273. 230. Bill Murray 210. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. 262. 120. 144. I understand people talking about me. Frances McDormand, 42. 166. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. 97. Looking for positive funny affirmations? The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 5. Take a look! 158. Edward A. Murphy 168. Steven Alexander Wright. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. Its scary when it disappears. Send me the link. The thing is, I am still getting ready. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. 114. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Lorrin L. Lee. 174. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. 170. 81. 5. 84. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Top 40 Best Funny Affirmations To Make Your Day (2023) These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. 3. 230. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. 135. 2. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. 58. Sometimes the M is silent. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . 68. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. My mood swings keep life interesting. Bill Murray, 260. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 57. 90. When they go away, its a brighter day. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Love your enemies. I dont suffer from insanity. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. 112. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". 242. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. 24. Your email address will not be published. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. Because he was always spotted. 239. 104. Your email address will not be published. 1. And a funny bone. Franklin Jones Go to bed with satisfaction.". Im amusing and make the people around me happy. 4. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Ken Dodd 28. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? 58. 4. I thought you said extra fries. 168. We frequently doubt ourselves. So far, so good. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. I can always think of something funny to say. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Because they make up everything. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 2. George Burns, 253. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? You cant have everything, where would you put it? Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 172. 175. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. When nothing is going right, go left. Its okay if people dont like me. 23. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". 110. 83. 87. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . - George Burns. 53. Microchips. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Laughter brings me closer to people. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 62. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. 52. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. Youre not tequila., 5. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. 98. - Unknown. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Theres life without Facebook and internet? 110 Funny Work Quotes To Jazz Up Your Workplace - Vantage Circle I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. Snowballs. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". 62. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. 115. 208. 21. Never take life seriously. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. 27. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Yeah, so is a grenade. Funny Daily Affirmations. 119 Positive Affirmations For Women To Use Daily - Live Bold and Bloom I want to afford them., 2. I make a difference by showing up fully. He who laughs last didnt get it. 166. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 248. Exercise? Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. I am grateful for that time. But sometimes affirmations may not work. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. 36. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. Albert King We'll get to that later. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? 267. 85 Funny Wednesday Quotes, Sayings, Pics, and Images - The Random Vibez I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! 38. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. 13. I am on a seafood diet. We need to hear a pin drop. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. Cry a river. Because it was soda pressing. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. Wonderwoman: single. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. 79. They planet. 225. Enjoy! 270. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. (John 14:27) 27. 2. 116. 86. I did not trip and fall. Albert Einstein, 190. 19. 223. 180. 264. 85. Your actions become your habits. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. 23. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. Roy Lichtenstein 191. Rome wasnt built in a day. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". Hes dreaming too. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. 42. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. 100. Its okay, he woke up. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. A backbone. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 1. Envelope. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. Pat Sajak What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? 50 Funny Affirmations for a Daily Dose of Humor - Happier Human Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret 187. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. 260. 65. 202. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. 73. 177. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. 279. 10. 81. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 225. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. Paul Ehrlich, 241. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 69 Funny Affirmations To Lighten Up Your Mood When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. 237. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Oh sheet! 228. 175. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. I am on a seafood diet. Steven Alexander Wright 45. 1. I dont think thats a coincidence. 109. 206. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. 140. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 145. So far, so good. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. At night, I cant fall asleep. Cindy from Marzahn 124. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. 10. 33. 9. 56. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. 185. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 198. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. I am attractive just as I am. In the morning, I cant get up. And a funny bone., 10. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. 1. My body deserves love. 31. 71. How do astronomers organize a party? Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. 185. Ann Landers, 244. 212. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. 180. 89. I wish my wallet came with free refills. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. 170. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Send me the link. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. Its a door, thats how they work. 137. Alison Boulter Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. 213. 138. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. 276. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 160. 14. 211. I tried, but they wanted cash. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. 4. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. I never apologize. Be Funny Positive Affirmations Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Don't forget to be awesome. 27. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. 6. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10.
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